I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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