I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
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i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize