I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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