his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
Randomize
