My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
