i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Randomize
