He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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