90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
