East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Randomize
