Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
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