think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
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