she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
Randomize
