you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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