Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
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