Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
Randomize
