I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
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