Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
