There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize