I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Randomize
