Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
