After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
Randomize
