dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Randomize
