This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
Randomize
