google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
