Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
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