he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
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