alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
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