i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
