I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Randomize