Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
Randomize
