I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
be right there i have to get my cape
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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