True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
