You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize