I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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