I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize
