I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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