As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
Randomize
