Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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