It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
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