its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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