True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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