is wine microwaveable?
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
