Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
Randomize
