You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
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