So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
