I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
She announced her abortion via fbk
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
