does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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