I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
Question for you. Are boobs and hands polarly charged, thus causing the inevitable joining of the two. If so are some breasts simply charged backwards
Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Randomize
