somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Randomize
