well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
