Small penises have feelings too.
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
Randomize
