How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
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