True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
