My hand turned me down
thus making me awesome and them whores
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
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