Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
