I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
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