why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
