Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
