I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Randomize
