just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
Randomize
