sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
