nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Randomize
