how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
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