Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
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