Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
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