Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
we're so committed to being not committed
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
