It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
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