It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
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