Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
