I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
