we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
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