During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Randomize
