My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
Randomize