i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
